Recap Finding Bigfoot Season 6, Episode 1. British Bigfoot

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The Bigfoot hunting team on Animal Planet has gone over to Blighty to seek out the roving hordes of giant primates common in that land. We’re in for an extra treat because this is the “pop up video” version with extra commentary.

Our heroes are under the impression that the Green Men of legend are, in fact, Sasquatch that are particularly mossy. Somehow they actually managed to find a local professor, Dr. Necaris, who claims, over a few pints, that there have been recent sightings. How many pints were involved in those sightings is not mentioned. Bobo is getting quite smitten with the lady professor as indicated by the cartoon stars over his eyes.

They next go to meet Neil Young. Who turns out to be a smallish bald guy with a thick accent. I suspect he may actually be Graham Nash using a fake name. Neil has seen the Sasquatch and the damage done. He’s sure it couldn’t have been a random poacher because the game warden doesn’t approve of poachers. Left unspoken is why the warden does approve of hairy ape-men killing his charges. Neil has a picture that is surprisingly unclear of a large black blob. Even the ‘Squatchers think they see a hat on it, something Bigfeet very rarely wear. Still, they decide this is a good site to do their patented wandering around in the dark. Neil had some rocking in the free world to do so he did not come along.

Bobo insists that once they get their definitive evidence, they can’t reveal the location of this tiny fragment of Sasquatch habitat lest hordes of snaggletoothed yabbos descend on it. I also like to think about how I’d react to similarly likely events like if all the atoms in my arm spontaneously quantum tunneled through a wall or Fatty Arbuckle stepped out of a time machine and demanded that I marry him. You’ve got to be prepared. Of course, they’d already shown the location on a map, so too little, too late there, Bobo.

They’ve seen something on the thermal imaging! And it’s… a rotting log.

So close!
So close!

Bobo does his Sasquatch call, which was also used in 1950’s air raid sirens. Oddly, this startles basically every animal in the countryside. Ranae thinks there might be a raccoon, which would be almost as unlikely to find in England as a Bigfoot.

Our heroes voyage to a cathedral to look at some images of wild men. The helpful pop ups inform us that Snoop Dogg was playing a show that same day across the street. Unfortunately, they do not attempt to film or capture Snoop Dogg in the wild. They don’t even leave a bag of weed under a simple box trap.

You cain't ketch the Double G. I am too why-ill-lee
You cain’t ketch the Double G. I am too why-ill-lee

Neil Young has assembled his new band, a Polyphonic Spree sized affair of people who all think they’ve seen Bigfoot wandering around England though some of the descriptions sound like they might be Piers Morgan or Steven Fry. Ranae pops in to say how sad she is that fans of the show go into the woods looking for Bigfoot themselves.

Our fans are idiots.
Our fans are idiots.

Matt and Ranae journey to Sherwood Forest to investigate whether Little John was, in fact, a Bigfoot. They meet up with a father/son team of British ‘Squatchers. The son bears a gravitational resemblance to the legendary Buck of the Mountain Monsters team. The locals detail how a ‘squatch wielding a long branch challenged them while they were attempting to cross over a creek on a log. They were unable to best him and win his undying loyalty, unfortunately. Or, at least, this is what I assume happened but I was checking in on a baseball game.

Meanwhile, Cliff and Bobo have been invited to Scotland by a guy named Hamish (because of course that’s his name). They are investigating the legends of the “Grey Man” aka Gandalf. They have a sit down with a group of sporadically subtitled locals who claim describing the Grey Man is like describing a tomato to a blind man. So, he’s a fist-sized spherical object with smooth skin, yielding slightly when ripe, and a tuft of leaves on top. Apparently, Peter Jackson took some liberties. Before the conversation is over Cliff and Bobo have completely lost the plot and decided to go look for Nessie. After all, they do have another hour to fill.

Our southern team meets up with a different, but very similar, Neil who spotted a hairy, green-eyed figure while walking back after doing some fishing with his mates. I don’t know if the English follow the same traditions as in America where fishing is generally accompanied by considerable drinking. Ranae, the Scully of the team, is not convinced by his account of walking right by the ten foot tall critter only to spot a giant green-eyed monster when he turned around.

Back to Bobo and Cliff and they’ve found Gandalf! He doesn’t look at all like a tomato, but then again, I’m not blind. This merry old fellow potters around in a boat with them for a while looking for Nessie and gleefully telling them about how the locals have plundered the ruins for building materials. Nothing vaguely approximating Nessie is spotted. This interlude ends abruptly as I suspect Jeremy Wade arrived to tell them to get off his patch.

I know 400 ways a fish can kill a man.
I know 400 ways a fish can kill a man.

Back to our southern man, Matt, who has decided to ditch doubting-Ranae and join up with Neil Young and Other Neil. They look so similar that you have to wonder if they’re from an obscure English tribe that puts their last name first. They go out into the usual night time wander around the green-lit woods. A Neil claims he hears some ‘squatches talking about him, down by the river, but Matt is pretty sure it’s just the “babbling” of the brook. No, Neil insists, they’re going “Na, na. Hey, hey.” but Matt scoffs at this notion.

Ranae, meanwhile, is spending the night is a completely different green woods. She makes the observation that they always assume that Bigfoot likes the same things that Bobo likes but doesn’t make the further leap to realize that Bobo IS a Bigfoot sent among them to sabotage their efforts.

So close, Ranae!
So close, Ranae!

Hamish, having already duped these American suckers into putting him in their TV show, now convinces Cliff and Bobo to put on kilts for the nightly ‘squatch hunt. They’re not even wondering why he, himself, is wearing pants. The midges promptly start savaging their exposed man regions while Hamish giggles to himself.

Commercial aside, keep trying NatureMade. Some day you’ll find the right perky, short-haired woman to pretend to be a pharmacist in your ads.

And we’re back. It turns out wearing a kilt and bug-attracting lights was a very bad idea so Bobo and Cliff give up and decide to reassemble the team. Ranae and Matt are so eager they decide to take the slowest train they can find to meander there. Eventually, it’s off to the Caledonian forest for the final night time wanderation.

After a short Banana Splits moment of the team gamboling around on ATVs, they head into the forest. Matt and Bobo stay lower down while Ranae and Cliff head up into the fog for the better visibility. Matt speculates that Scottish Bigfoot may be a ghost, but Bobo feels ghosts should not be monkeyed with. Shortly after, Matt nearly kills himself by inhaling a mouthful of midges while attempting a ‘squatch call. I’m not sure the Scottish board of tourism is super thrilled with this episode.

They’ve seen something on the thermal imaging! And it’s… scared away by Ranae’s voice on the radio.

Like a choir of angels.
Like a choir of angels.

While Ranae’s voice is well known for terrifying higher primates, the group still decides that there aren’t any Bigfoot in the UK and head for home.

So very close!
If only they’d looked a bit harder.